Days 28 and 29

It's hard to believe, even now as I write this a bit after the fact, but I've made it. Over 750 km by foot. Somehow, it seems both shorter and longer written out like that, much like the walk itself--we do so little and yet so much each day. In my mind, the Camino has stretched on and on, but I've been here for under a month. I feel so big and so small at once.

Walking without the pack was difficult at first. It felt wrong not to strap in, to feel lighter, to have more time in the morning without sore feet. Walking without. But even without the pack, my hip and lower back were in pain, and I concentrated hard on keeping the position of my pelvis steady. Walking through the pain even without the pack helped me realize that I could not have carried it that day and there was no need for me to do so. My injury--caused by an accident I had no control over--does not define my strength. I can choose personal happiness and wellbeing over pain. I don't need to prove anything to anyone, but I know I will continue to struggle, relearning this lesson throughout my life.

After walking for about 25 km without the pack, I picked it up at a drop spot to continue about 5 more km with it, as the maximum distance to send packs forward is usually 25 km. Unfortunately, for the first time this whole walk, all the albergues we came across were either closed or full when we arrived and we had to walk an extra 6 or so km, making the day one of my longest. Incredible how the body can rally when there are no other options.

I had planned to send my pack all the way to Santiago for the final walk into the city, but decided to pick it up about 5 km outside instead. Apparently, I can let go, but not completely. My hip was feeling better and I didn't regret the decision to finish the walk with my burden. Coming into Santiago itself was strange. The new parts of the city stretch out for kilometres, and unlike many other cities along the Camino, it's impossible to see the cathedral from outside the city. But once we made it to the centre square--full of pilgrims, both familiar and new, greeting each other and celebrating--I felt less disconnected and strange.

Although coming to Santiago felt more like journey's end than I expected, I still wanted to walk on to Fisterra and Muxia, but I knew I couldn't without changing something. As we walked on that final day into Santiago, Laura suggested that we repack and leave some things behind in the city before walking on. She also offered to carry some of my things so that I could take a lighter pack. I was touched, although letting someone else carry my burden felt almost more difficult than sending it ahead. But she reminded me that we have been carrying emotional burdens for each other for weeks--a physical burden isn't much different.

When I spoke with Jonah about my options, he helped me remember that I am not an island--accepting love and support makes me no less independent or strong. I took Laura up on her offer, but damn is it hard--even with someone I have come to know intimately--to be vulnerable.

The centre square. 

Tony and I at the pilgrim office. He started on the same day as me and we saw each other off and on throughout and then randomly ended up at the office together. 

Day 28

Day 29