Days 9, 10 and 11

I'm at the end of day 11, and I've walked over 270 km. I decided today that, as much as I have wanted to push against it, I will need to buy new shoes. The ones I bought were half a size bigger than I usually wear, but my feet have swollen so much that my toes are getting crushed. Sticking it out doesn't feel like an option anymore, so pride and embarrassment must go. Unfortunately, it looks like I won't be able to get new shoes for over 130 km--a six day walk--so I will be wearing my sandals and taping my ankles for support until then.

Walking through Burgos was hard because of all the concrete and terrible signage. Usually the trail is very easy to follow, with yellow arrows, shells or blue signs marking the way, but Burgos seemed to have arrows leading everywhere and nowhere. We did decide to stop for a while at the Burgos cathedral, which reminded me a lot of the main cathedral in Cologne, Germany, although this one is shorter. From the audio guide, I learned that one of the main architects brought in for the project, specifically for the spires, was from Cologne. Figures.

Laura pointed out one quirky feature of the church to me as we wandered around. Many of the arches are decorated with stone heads, sort of like gargoyles. According to the audio guide, the heads represent all the believers, the followers of the church, both human and animal, and symbolize a church that moves and is cleansed of sin.

When I visit churches and cathedrals like this one, I always look for the prayer candles and light one, as I know my mum does when she visits churches, but all of the prayer candles in ever church I've visited in Spain are plastic, encased in more plastic, and to light one you have to insert the required amount of change. The plastic candles feel cold and impersonal to me, and I've turned away from each one so far, but when I saw them in Burgos, I felt drawn to them anyway. Turns out that the deep feeling of connection and peace I experience when I light a candle for all the people I Iove is the same, whether or not the candle is wax and flame or plastic and electricity.

The last few days have been the most intense so far on my journey in terms of contemplation. On one of the mornings before arriving in Burgos, I walked by myself through the forest in the misty morning, with little visible scenery to distract me from thought. While I'm not ready to share my biggest personal revelation just yet, I did decide that I am feeling ready to see a counselor, something various people in my life have been pushing for and I've been pushing back against. I felt comfortable in myself and my body, ready to face thoughts and emotions I have been avoiding.

Later in the day, Laura and I talked about our solo morning walks, trying to understand how to balance brokenness and fullness--how to live through moments of both brilliance and grey. Being in Burgos solidified my thoughts. In the stone belly of the cathedral, after so long of feeling empty and wanting to die, I wanted to be alive--to see the moments of brilliance that await me.

The yellow Camino shell symbol in Burgos.

The back of the Burgos cathedral.

Some of the heads of believers. 

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11